Chapter 1, Shipwreck

No matter how much she tried to appear calm, her voice remained taut like a string that had been twisted too tightly, as if it would snap at the slightest pressure. Although Fei Nuo could be considered a student of Pan Yue, the age difference between them was barely over ten years, and they shared a close friendship. He knew a bit about the Pan family's affairs, but discussing this with Pan Xi Nian at that moment was simply too cruel, so he decided to steer the conversation away completely: "Who can take you to the orphanage? Don't worry, we will do our utmost to take care of you. Would you like some water or something to eat? I can call the nurse."

Cheng Lang glanced at him and continued speaking with an expressionless face: "The location of the blood clot is quite sensitive. If surgery is performed, in addition to issues with the optic nerve itself, the cerebral cortex and other nerves may also be affected. Our hospital has encountered three similar cases; one surgery was successful, while in the other two cases, one patient was saved but remained blind for life, and the other did not survive the operation."

Pan Xinian, however, was very stubborn: "You must tell me, I am already of this age, which orphanage would take in such a big child?"

He recalled the little girl he had danced with many years ago, who was held by Pan Yue and Ai Jing in turn, laughing sweetly as she jumped. Everyone adored this nimble child, and while the Pan couple entertained other guests, they all vied to play with her, teaching her to dance. She was not shy at all, being well-behaved and clever, instantly winning over all the guests.

The nurse's uniform was covered in traces of vegetable soup, colorful and quite spectacular. Feino was surprised, and the nurse continued: "He refuses to eat, no matter what we say, he started intravenous feeding the day before yesterday... He just lay down to sleep here, Mr. Fei, please come back another day..."

In the end, the voice trembles lightly, seeming to plead, yet also conveying fear

"Indeed, money always has many relatives." Receiving a disapproving glance from Fei Nuo, Cheng Lang retracted the sarcastic tone in his voice and continued, "Her emotions are quite unstable; staying in the hospital is the most appropriate option. Also, aren't you going on a business trip in the next couple of days? With you not being present, it is just the right time to think things through—how long to manage, how to manage. This is certainly not like when we were kids and saw a stray puppy on the street that we could just take home and raise..."

Tears as large as beans overflowed from her eyes, each word spoken in a choked voice, unbearable to listen to. Fei Nuo watched, yet remained utterly at a loss—he had many students, including female graduate students, but never had a girl of Pan Xi Nian's age cried in such profound sorrow before him. Initially, he felt somewhat unaccustomed and awkward, only able to watch as she cried, her words becoming increasingly indistinct, sobbing as she wrapped herself in a blanket, revealing only her fingers tightly gripping the corner of the blanket, too tightly, to the point that her joints turned a shade of purple.

Despite the flood of tears, Pan Xinian did not make a sound. She forced herself to calm her breathing, but this only made the tears flow more fiercely. In the end, she gave up trying to stop the tears, unclenching her jaw, and used her entire arm to cover her eyes, allowing the large tears to roll one by one into her dark hair, with only the clear bite marks on the back of her fair hand indicating the immense effort she had exerted. In the end, she gave up trying to stop the tears, unclenching her jaw, and used her entire arm to cover her eyes, allowing the large tears to roll one by one into her dark hair, with only the clear bite marks on the back of her fair hand indicating the immense effort she had exerted.

The room suddenly darkened, and he could no longer see Pan Xinian's face. It seemed that the other party also heard this small sound, and their breathing appeared to pause for a moment

Compared to the excitement and heartbreak of yesterday, at this moment, Pan Xinian is calm and composed, almost like a different person. However, Feino knows that the girl before him has been completely drained, irretrievably and irreparably. After listening to Feino's words, she initially trembles a bit, but soon bites her lower lip, forcing herself to remain calm: "This Dr. Cheng also told me. He is your friend, right?"

He thought for a moment: "Staying in the hospital is certain. I will find a way to contact relatives from both families; there must be someone we can reach. She is already an adult, and when she feels a bit better, we should also ask her own opinion. She will eventually have to face some things on her own, but for a girl her age, it is too early and too cruel."

After speaking, both sides fell silent, and no one knew how long they had been at a standstill. Gradually, her breathing became rapid, and she curled up, trembling. Fino saw her biting down hard on her own hand, fearing she might break the skin, so he reached out to turn her entire body around, sighed, and said: "I was too harsh in my words, I shouldn't have said that. If you want to cry, just let it out."

In just a week, Pan Xinian has lost so much weight that he appears to be a completely different person: his cheeks are deeply sunken, making his cheekbones protrude sharply, as if they might break through his almost transparent skin at any moment. The girl in her sleep is frowning tightly, looking as if she is constantly engulfed in great unease and panic

I will come back to see tomorrow

He left the ward, called for a nurse, and watched through the door as the nurse helped her finish drinking water before lying down again. Only then did he turn to find Cheng Lang, who happened to be on the night shift.

The tension in his mind suddenly tightened, and Feino interrupted Cheng Lang's words without a second thought: "What is the success rate of the surgery?"

Finally, he said slowly: "You are tired today, and I have just returned. Let's wait until tomorrow when she wakes up to discuss anything."

She interrupted him, her voice faint, yet her tone maintained an oddly steady calmness. Fino was momentarily unable to discern whether he preferred her to release her sorrow through tears or to slowly heal her wounds with silent strength. After a brief silence, he nodded and said, "No need to be polite. I will come to see you again tomorrow. Xinian, your mother entrusted you to me in the end, and I promised her, so I have a responsibility towards you. As long as you say so, I will do my utmost to give you what you need. You should... you must live well." Xinian, your mother entrusted you to me in the end, and I promised her, so I have a responsibility towards you. As long as you say so, I will do my utmost to give you what you need. You should... you must live well.

Hmm

In the year of hope, my name is Feino

Pan Xinian remained silent after listening, but his breathing gradually became rapid. His frail body under the thin blanket heaved violently, and his lips began to tremble: "You all lied to me, even you lied to me! How come I didn't die? Why did you save me? Who asked you to save me... I have nothing left, not even my eyes, what is the point of saving me?... Dad, Mom... Mom..."... "I have nothing left, not even my eyes, what is the point of saving me?... Dad, Mom... Mom..."

This is temporary, and it is just a minor surgery; however, you are currently too weak and need to wait until your body is healthier before undergoing the operation

In the dimly lit room, only her outline could be faintly seen, thin and emaciated, almost like a piece of paper. As she spoke, she began to cry again, but this time Fino could hear her clearly; she was saying: "I want to go home... I want to go home..."

He still could not hear clearly, so he walked towards her once again. He knew that he had made a promise that he might not be able to fulfill; at the very least, he could not bring her parents back to life. If she were to ask for this, everything would turn into a farce

He said that you have been busy with my parents' funeral arrangements and my hospitalization, and I have not yet had the chance to thank you

Thank you for turning off the light

After Cheng Lang finished discussing Pan Xinian's condition, he also explained that the attitudes of all parties after the consultation were towards conservative treatment. He then picked up the teacup in front of him and took a sip of water, countering Fei Nuo: "When a person dies, it is like a lamp being extinguished; once the procedures are completed, it is all over. The difficult part is surviving. Since you have taken over the Pan family's affairs, what are you planning to do about this young girl? It would be better to keep her in the hospital for treatment until the surgery."

Her eyes, like Ai Jing's, were open yet dull and lifeless, dark and murky as if stained with ash. Perhaps she had heard the breath of a stranger, and instinctively clutched tightly to a corner of the blanket, asking warily in a hoarse and feeble voice: "Who?"

Cheng Lang could hear every word clearly from Fei Nuo, yet he remained silent, staring intently at Pan Xi Nian, who had fallen back into a deep sleep after receiving the injection. He felt a chill in his left hand, and the memories of that day came rushing back: he had arrived at the hospital, where he was informed that in a family of three, the father had been confirmed dead, the daughter was still on the operating table undergoing emergency treatment, and the mother, who had just exited the operating room, had suffered a sudden cerebral hemorrhage and was being rushed back to the operating room. As he spoke, Ai Jing's hospital bed was pushed over; she was already pale and lifeless. Upon seeing Fei Nuo, her eyes lit up for a moment, like sunlight glinting off a sharp blade, but she could no longer speak. Just like a feather, she lightly grasped his hand with her cold fingers.

He spoke in a nonchalant manner, yet there was an unshakeable meaning in his tone. Cheng Lang glanced at Fei Nuo with a rather complex expression—this handsome man, who always wore a warm smile, had finally shown signs of fatigue amidst the relentless hustle and bustle of recent days, and his smile had faded. Unable to help himself, he reached out and patted his old friend's shoulder, swallowing all other words that were on the tip of his tongue, choosing not to speak them.

The two characters "home" turned over and over, like a spell, but more like a star's radiance. Fino touched her soft and cool hair, and as he spoke, he also made up his mind: "Alright, we are going home"

He still remembers those past events, but the once youthful and splendid couple is no longer present. The little girl who once only reached his waist has grown up as well. The torrent of time has come so swiftly.

Pan Xinian pressed his lips together and politely raised the corners of his mouth slightly, and after a long silence, he said: "But my parents are no longer here, and they will never come back."

Feino was struck by this stubborn posture, and although he quickly understood that she wanted to maintain a semblance of dignity in front of him, the sorrow was accompanied by a deeper sense of compassion, not only for this girl who was nominally his junior, but also for the friends who had already passed away—if only they were still here.

If surgery is necessary, it is not going to happen now. Tomorrow, when work resumes, I will invite specialists from neurology and ophthalmology for a consultation to see if there are any other possibilities. " At this point, Cheng Lang paused and said to Fei Nuo, "Fei Nuo, you should not be too tense. It is already difficult for this child to have a chance at life; think positively. There are indeed cases where patients have seen their blood clots dissolve on their own while waiting for surgery and regained their sight. Moreover, if she, and of course you, are determined to proceed with this surgery, I will ensure that she has the best neurosurgeon available.

At this moment, the commotion in the hospital room brought him back from his wandering thoughts. In the blink of an eye, Cheng Lang returned to the ward, which became busy once again. Fei Nuo was blocked outside, watching her through the glass wall. She still had her eyes closed, yet was shaking her head in pain, her lips moving with difficulty as if she were saying: "Mom, I am in pain"

Fei Nuo gave a bitter smile and did not respond. At that moment, Cheng Lang said, "She has already woken up, but her body is very weak and her spirits are low. Go and see her."

Gazing at Pan Xinian's face, there came a moment when Feino suddenly felt that too many things were unimportant. He was not her father's student, nor was she the only daughter of his mentor. He was not her guardian, and she was not his ward. He was Feino, and she was Pan Xinian, and that was all.

Fino realized that he was not good at comforting others, and could not help but let out a silent sigh: "There is no rush; we can discuss it when you feel a bit better."

Pan Xinian suddenly widened his eyes, staring at the ceiling in silence for a long time. After a while, he slowly said: "So it turns out you have returned... Could you please turn on a light for me? The nurse said that turning on the light is not good for my eyes, and she always refuses to turn on the light for me..."

That is hardly a sound that a young girl would make; it is coarse, piercing, more akin to that of a dying beast, desperately and futilely expressing its pain

Fino merely glanced at him

She was still sobbing softly, tears streaming down her face, soaking the bandage, and beginning to spread towards the collar of her hospital gown. After Feino and the other nurses dispersed, he stepped forward again, took out a handkerchief to wipe away the tears from Pan Xinian's face, and held her hand, which was neatly secured outside the quilt, saying: "You just woke up, you shouldn't be so upset. Does your head hurt? Your life is still long; there is nothing that cannot wait until tomorrow to be discussed. Xinian, you should rest for a while."

Feino looked at her face, yet he was unaware that he had unconsciously furrowed his brow along with Pan Xinian. He silently pulled over a chair and was just about to sit down when Pan Xinian, lying in the hospital bed, suddenly twisted her face and woke up.

Before her words had faded, her smile quickly froze. After a brief moment of silence, her pale face contorted, and her bloodless lips began to tremble violently. All of this, Feino could only watch helplessly as she clutched the bedsheet, her eyes wide with panic, and stammered, "Where are my parents? The sea, I remember the waves crashing up..."

Fei Nuo's expression and voice had turned somber: "Where is Cheng Langren?"

Fei Nuo did not respond—both Pan Yue and Ai Jing's parents have passed away, and they are each the only child in their respective families. Now, with both spouses having met with an accident, they have left behind their only daughter, and for the time being, it is difficult to find any direct relatives.

Before him stood a living child masquerading as an adult, yet Feino felt no sense of ease whatsoever. In fact, he was somewhat relieved that the other party was temporarily blind, allowing him to openly express his compassion and pity. However, his voice remained well disguised: "I received much care from your parents back in the day, but unfortunately, I can only handle their affairs now. The cause of the incident is still under investigation, so you need not worry; there will certainly be a conclusion."

But Feino still knelt on one knee at Pan Xinian's bedside and said in a soft voice: "Xinian, what are you saying? I can't hear you."

Cheng Lang was meticulously reporting the latest diagnosis and surgical recommendations in his ear, yet Fei Nuo found himself distracted. The image seen through the glass might be somewhat distorted, but the small face on the hospital bed appeared particularly pale and lifeless at that moment. The long, dark hair that he remembered had been cut off, and what remained was locked beneath the bandages, with a few strands occasionally emerging, looking dull. Meanwhile, the long eyebrows, which resembled her father's, were tightly knitted together, indicating that even in dreams, there could be no moment of respite.

... ...

His words were interrupted: "Oh, Feno, it's you"

Crying in such a dark and chaotic manner is too exhausting. After a while, it gradually subsided. Feino let out a sigh of relief, but soon noticed that the breathing rhythm of Pan Xinian under the blanket was irregular. He hurriedly lifted the blanket to take a look and found that the person had already fallen into a state of shock.

The sound stirred Fino, who was barely maintaining a calm expression. He couldn't help but furrow his brow, but after standing up, he found himself helplessly standing there, completely at a loss as to how to comfort the girl who had called out and then burst into tears. Fortunately, at that moment, the duty doctor and nurses who noticed the unusual situation rushed over, grabbing her hands and feet, forcibly straightening her body in an attempt to calm her down. It was the same person; just moments ago, she had been so weak that she could barely respond, yet now she was like a roaring lion, crying and thrashing about. Even after a sedative was administered, she continued to stubbornly resist the nurses holding her down. Unfortunately, she could not withstand the effects of the medication, and gradually ceased her struggles, collapsing softly back onto the hospital bed.

After the emergency bell was pressed, the ward quickly descended into chaos. Feino was asked to step outside by the nurse, and through the window, he watched the crowd inside, feeling a profound distance. At that moment, Cheng Lang's voice came from the other end of the corridor, rising and falling: "What happened? Is there another crying shock?"

Uncertain how much time had passed, Cheng Lang stepped out and said to Fei Nuo, who had come to meet him: "The situation is dire; the blood clot captured in the previous footage has indeed compressed her optic nerve. She has gone blind"

The ward was so quiet that one could almost hear the sound of the drip falling. The nurse, who was silently busy nearby, saw him enter, gestured to her eyes with her hand, and then pointed to Pan Xinian. Feinu nodded to indicate that he was already aware of this, and then sat quietly in the chair beside the bed, observing the girl on the bed who appeared to be asleep: her eyes were lowered, her eyelids slightly trembling, her long eyebrows stretched out in a weary yet gentle manner, and her smooth forehead was so pale that it was almost startling.

The next evening, when Fei Nuo arrived at the hospital again, Pan Xi Nian had already sat up. Upon hearing the footsteps, he slightly turned his face, his lifeless gaze meeting Fei Nuo's, and he spoke in a hoarse voice: "Fei Nuo, is that you"

Early the next morning, Fei Nuo led a team to another city for a meeting, which lasted a week. There was also a commissioned case in the local area, causing him to be so busy that day and night became indistinguishable. Several times he thought about calling the hospital to inquire about Pan Xinian's condition, but each time he looked at the clock, it was already late at night. Before his business trip, he had made an agreement with Cheng Lang that if anything unexpected happened to Pan Xinian, he must be contacted immediately. In the past few days, Cheng Lang had not reached out to him, and Fei Nuo, being busy, gradually set aside the matter of the phone call.

The nurse appeared hesitant, and Fei Nuo expressed his gratitude before heading to Lang's office to find someone. Upon rushing over, he found that no one was there; however, the office was in disarray as if it had been ransacked. Fei Nuo understood that he was indeed busy. Looking at the chaotic room, the fatigue and irritation from his journey faded away. He stood silently for a moment before turning around and walking towards the inpatient department.

In the face of the eternal separation of life and death from loved ones, all consolation is in vain. Fino is well aware of this. Therefore, he said nothing, but simply sat down in the chair beside Pan Xinian's bed, just as he had the day before

Feino looked up at the fluorescent light hanging from the ceiling, then lowered his head, and what came into view was still that delicate and pale face. He found himself momentarily at a loss for words, and could only respond: "Xinian, listen to the doctor. After your surgery and when your eyes are better, we will turn on the light."

This hypothesis is the most meaningless at this moment. Fino suppressed this futile fantasy and gently walked to the door to turn off the light

Feino looked at her back, the shoulder blades outlined by the quilt in stark relief: "Yesterday you asked me why I saved you. It was not I who saved you. You survived because your parents never gave up on you until the very end... Now they are no longer here. You have survived, and everyone is doing their best to take care of you. However, no matter how hard we try, it is ultimately futile. This is your own life, and no matter how difficult it may be, you must live it yourself. This is the one thing that none of us can help you with."

Since the incident with the ship, Fei Nuo, a disciple of the Pan family, a fellow townsman, and a friend across generations, has been tirelessly occupied with various unavoidable procedures—at the scene of the accident, the hospital, the police station, the crematorium, and the cemetery. Almost entirely alone, he has not had a single day of proper sleep in nearly two weeks. Nevertheless, when he saw the shape of Pan Xi Nian's mouth in that moment, the deep pain that had been forcibly suppressed by exhaustion unexpectedly resurfaced.

He spoke solemnly and slowly, even uncertain of how much the girl, who was on the verge of fainting from crying, could comprehend at that moment. However, when he finished speaking, Pan Xinian moved slightly on the hospital bed, and then it seemed that an extremely vague, whisper-like sentence floated out.

The next day, when Fei Nuo once again sat by Pan Xi Nian's bedside, the girl stubbornly turned her back to him, remaining silent.

Pan Xinian remained silent, numbly nodding his head, and then asked: "Can you tell me what awaits me?"

Sensing the approaching footsteps, Pan Xinian shivered slightly and shrank towards the other side of the bed. After Feino sat down, he looked at her and said: "Xinian, by the time I arrived, they had already left."

After speaking, Feino naturally reached out to touch her hair, much like an elder comforting a younger one. Under the influence of the sedative, Pan Xinian remained expressionless, resembling a pale sculpture, until Feino left the ward, at which point she slowly closed her eyes, and tears began to fall once again like pearls.

He will provide her with a home, at least until her relatives come to take her away

He appeared to have just come down from the operating table, drenched in sweat, his steps as if floating on clouds. The word "again" pricked Fei Nuo like a needle, but looking at Cheng Lang's weary face, he could only say: "They left behind only this one daughter. Since I promised Ai Jing, I must take good care of her no matter what. The way she is now, it is my fault."

This answer is clearly not good news, but the man before him is already a young talent in neurosurgery. Feino thought for a moment: "What is your opinion?"

In his gaze, there was a faint hint of ominous foreboding. Fino considered himself not to be a pessimistic person, yet at this moment, he felt a heavy weight sinking in his chest, and his drowsiness dissipated like smoke, with all his attention focused on the bustling ward.

Upon reaching the door of the ward, a nurse happened to come out. Upon seeing Fei Nuo, she curled her lips slightly, revealing a hint of helplessness, but still closed the door first before saying: "I just tried to feed her a bit, and look, I've gotten it all over myself."

He has been performing several major surgeries over the past few days, and now it is uncertain whether he has come down from the operating table or not

He always spoke in a flat tone, but Cheng Lang knew best that the more emotionally down the man in front of him was, or the more determined he became, the less fluctuation there was in his tone. Thus, Cheng Lang couldn't help but raise his eyebrows and said with a pout: "Are you scolding me?"

Cheng Lang's gaze then turned to the ward, which was nearing the end of its rescue efforts: "Her current condition has nothing to do with her eyes. I have already mentioned that such a significant matter rests on such a small person; given the circumstances, she is doing quite well. You can see her current state, Fei Nuo. Regardless of how many wishes Sister Ai may have wanted to convey to you while holding your hand, I still advise you to find Xi Nian's relatives as soon as possible, no matter how far away they are. Make sure to handle the situation properly; that would be the best you can do for the three of them."

Only after he finished speaking did Feino smile and shake his head, saying: "When did you become so talkative? This matter has always been decided by me alone, and no one is forcing me."

Pan Xinian was momentarily stunned, her beautiful eyes opened, but unfortunately, they lacked luster, appearing dull. She quickly closed her eyes again, as if trying hard to recall something. This childlike gesture made Fei Nuo feel a little less sorrowful. He was not in a hurry and did not expect this child, whom he had only met a few times, to remember him. At that moment, Pan Xinian spoke: "Who is it?"

A week later, when he returned to City T, the first thing he did after getting off the plane and picking up the car was to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, he encountered traffic on the way, and by the time he arrived at the hospital, it was already dusk. The setting sun shone through the large glass windows on one side of the corridor, illuminating the floor with a brilliant golden light.

Fino knew that she was startled, so he spoke in a gentle tone: "I am Fino"

Fino could not help but show a hint of surprise; she even smiled faintly and said, "The nurse said the lights cannot be turned on, but I heard your voice. I didn't expect it to be you..."

She resembled a marionette suddenly deprived of its strings, momentarily frozen in place, and regardless of the IV drip still attached to her hand, she curled up, holding her head, and began to scream at the top of her lungs.

He looked down at the pale and weak face, and spoke as gently as possible: "Xinian, you are awake."

The nurse was no longer there when he returned. He gently pushed the door open, and the room was brightly lit. Feino squinted his eyes in the sudden brightness, raising his hand to turn off the light, but then he realized that whether the light was on or off made no difference to Pan Xinian, so he halted his movement.

Fino stopped and said: "It is me."

She appeared thin and haggard, her voice hoarse and barely audible, clearly not yet fully recovered from yesterday's outburst: "They said you would come today. Dr. Cheng has been here; I know my eyes are damaged."

"What did you say?" Fino asked

However, the subsequent events quickly diverted his attention. Fei Nuo saw Cheng Lang extend his hand and wave it in front of Pan Xi Nian's eyes twice, and then again twice, before slowly lowering it. As he turned to the nurse to relay some instructions, he glanced at himself still standing outside the ward.

She was clearly an adult, but perhaps due to the half month of slumber, or perhaps because of her appearance, she still looked like a delicate young girl. She resembled Pan Yue more, yet had the same eyes and mouth as Ai Jing. As he thought about this, the faces of departed friends and mentors reappeared before him; he saw them still young, and even faintly glimpsed a younger version of himself. In this state of daze, Feino almost missed the sigh-like voice: "Mom, is that you... I hurt all over..."